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And that’s when I know it’s over.
As soon as you start thinking about the beginning, it’s the end.

You Will Fall In Love With A Broken Person

Whatever it is, whatever happened to them, whatever they’re going through, whatever haunts them and controls them and leaves them wanting more — it will have nothing and everything to do with you.

Nothing, because it probably happened before you entered their life. It was a breakup, or a trauma, or faith and trust and belief that went south somewhere.

Everything, because you will try to fix them, or help them, or wonder why you are not enough, why you cannot heal their wounds and mend their broken heart and change their mind.

You’re going to swear to yourself that you’ll never fall into this pit, and then you’ll watch as it happens. You’ll kick yourself for doing what you said you’d never do. You’ll ask yourself why you’re bothering. Why you think you’re the exception to the rule. Why you can’t just heed the warning signs.

You know, all along, that this is someone with a heart in shards, a soul in pieces, and little affection and warmth and stability to give you — you won’t blame them for it, they need all the resources they can give themselves — yet you still try.

Love works in funny ways, and we love all the things we never plan on loving. We attach ourselves to the things we think we should not love. Moths have their flames, little kids their wet cement, dogs their puddles.

We have lovers who do not — and cannot — love us back.

But you will love them, no matter how much you try not to. No matter how much you say you don’t. You’ll watch as they pull themselves further down, and sometimes drag you down too. They’re not trying to, but between keeping you at a distance and not knowing how to love you back, even if they want to, there’s a whole host of complications that bubble up when a broken person is loved by someone else.

Eventually, one of two things will happen. They let you in, bit by bit, and you learn slowly how to let them fix themselves; or you lick your wounds and move on. One is not more or less noble than the other. One hurts a little more. One is a little more rare. Both have the potential of breaking you. Both have the potential for you to learn that love is not something you force upon someone and demand they return, but something that you have to offer freely. Something that nobody’s obligated to accept. Whether or not they’re ready to take it. And if they’re not ready, then they’re not ready.

But you will fall in love with a broken person, at least once in your life. It happens to everyone. The odds are stacked against us that somebody or something will have gotten there first and wrenched somebody’s affection apart and left scars in those things we call our hearts. And the broken person you love will be hesitant and skittish and nervous, but that doesn’t mean they deserve any less love just because they’re afraid of being burned again.

All you can do is love them. All you can do is be there for them. And if you’re lucky, they will learn to love you, too.

If you’re not, and if you wind up breaking, too, well, you’re not alone. And if there’s anything love stories teach us, it’s that you can heal. You can grow. You can try again.

Because often, the broken people we find and fall in love with and help heal wind up being ourselves.

(Source: thoughtcatalog.com)

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hqlines:

~ E. L. James

hqlines:

~ E. L. James

This Is My Apology To The One That Loved Me The Most

I remember how you loved me. I remember how I was the center of your universe. I remember how you made me feel, like I was the best that could ever be. But I pushed you away. I took you for granted, I thought you’d never leave; because how could you love me so immensely and then just stop? it didn’t make sense then that I could completely demolish someone’s love, until I did.

I never meant for this to happen, I never wanted to push you away. I loved every little piece of you, and I probably always will. but I misused the love you gave me. I fed my ego with it. I selfishly filled every void within me with your love, and it was never enough. My soul was bereft. It had holes from people who’d just left, and I used your love to fill them. To make me whole. I was needy and I kept asking for more, until I sucked you dry. Until your heart turned cold. Until you became someone cruel, someone incapable of giving. And now that you’re gone, I feel empty. I am empty. Because to me, you weren’t just you, you were every person who had ever left or betrayed me. You were every void and every piece of me. You were everything and everyone. But I never realized that until you left. I took from you without thinking about you for a second.

I was selfish and I was ignorant to you and your feelings.

I’d give anything to take that back.

I know you may never see this and I know that I’ll never have the guts to open my heart like that to you, but I want to apologize.

I sincerely apologize to you.

I’m sorry I couldn’t love you the way you loved me.

I’m sorry for putting you second when you should’ve been first.

I’m sorry for making you wait all those years for me, when I could’ve simply not.

I’m sorry that I never trust you enough, but I’ve been through so much and I’ve seen too much that my walls couldn’t just fully come down.

I’m sorry I lash out at you sometimes.

I’m sorry if I ever made you doubt your love to me, because you couldn’t have loved me any better.

I’m sorry I pushed you away, because now I’d give anything just to have you back.

I’m sorry I made you run through hoops just to please me.

I’m sorry I was ungrateful of you, but you are the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I’m sorry I couldn’t love you the way you loved me, because now I know that if I spend my whole life searching, I’d never find someone who would love me half as much as you do.

I’m sorry for not appreciating all that you’ve done.

I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like a burden.

I’m sorry I have a temper, I know you hated me for it.

I’m sorry I took you for granted, when I should’ve given you the world instead.

But most of all, I’m sorry I couldn’t love you the way you loved me.

If things could change, If you could let me love you again, I’ll never let you go. I’ll never break your heart, I’ll give you all I have, and I’ll love you with all my heart, unconditionally.

If only you could let me love you again.

(Source: thoughtcatalog.com)

Love isn’t something you can turn off. When it happens, it takes a little piece of who you are. I think sometimes people keep fighting because they’re more afraid to lose that piece of them, rather than lose the person they love.

That’s how it is when a person develops an attraction toward someone. He’s nowhere, then suddenly he’s everywhere, whether you want him to be or not.